Desolation of Smaug Countdown Calendar
by Chamelaucium
Summary: Or, "The Trials of a Three-foot Burglar". An 'advent calendar' counting down until the release of the second Hobbit film: 25 fluffy, silly one-shots about Bilbo and the other members of Thorin and Company. *Ch 15: Stealing the Burglar
1. A Sleepless Night

**A/N: This is my 'advent calendar', if you like, for the release of ****_The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug_****. It will be a collection of 25 one-shots - fluffy, sometimes funny moments between Bilbo and the other members of Thorin and Company. I will update ****_about_**** twice a week, but it may be less or more depending on how busy my life gets! **

**I really hope you enjoy. ^.^**

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**_Desolation of Smaug Countdown Calendar_**

_1: A Sleepless Night_

Bilbo lay on his bed in the quiet of his room, listening to the sounds of the dwarves' low chatter as they prepared for bed, punctuated occasionally by a cry of indignation as a misplaced foot caught someone's leg, or a mug of ale - _his _ale, Bilbo might add - overturned.

Eventually the noise from the rest of the smial lessened, and Bilbo felt himself being lulled into sleep. His eyes grew heavy, and he rolled over, nestling deeper into his feather pillow...

A great snore rent the silence, and Bilbo's eyes flew open at the sudden rasping noise. Bewildered, he looked around, his sleep-befuddled mind expecting a huge bear or other night creature to be towering over him; but there was nothing there. Relieved, he lay back down again...

Only to be jolted straight back to wakefulness by another snore, louder than the first. As he listened, more snores sounded as each of the dwarves fell asleep. It sounded like there was a whole _forest _of bears in Bilbo's home; not a baker's dozen dwarves.

As the snores of the dwarves rumbled through the smial so loudly Bilbo fancied he could almost feel his teeth rattle, he tried covering his head with his pillow, with his blanket, with his pillow _and _his blanket; but to no avail. The snoring still permeated the layers and reverberated in his chest.

_Bother_ those dwarves! Bilbo thought dejectedly. Giving up on sleep, he stared up at his ceiling.

There was _no way _in all of Middle-earth he would go on this 'adventure' with those dwarves. If tree roots and rocks weren't bad enough, this snoring was impossible! No, best he let them go... while he stayed and enjoyed his... feather pillows...

As dawn began to creep over the Shire, Bilbo finally fell asleep.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this first one! Please do let me know what you think :)**


	2. Tea Time

**A/N: Sorry about the long wait! But I've found time to post the next chapter so I hope you enjoy :3 Thank you everyone who has reviewed and/or added this to their favs/follows! I really do appreciate it :D**

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_2: Tea time_

They _must _be able to rest soon, surely, Bilbo thought as he trampsed along the dusty dirt road. The sun was well past its zenith, and they'd been walking for _hours_ - why, it hadn't even been breakfast time when he'd run out of his smial after the dwarves.

And a fat lot of good _that_ had done him. He was hungry and there was _mud _caked in his foot hair... Bilbo turned to Gandalf beside him.

'Gandalf, is it time for a rest yet? We've quite missed lunch but if we stop now, we could have tea...' He trailed off at the amused look on the old wizard's face.

'Tea, Bilbo Baggins? I doubt you'll find a tea leaf among the whole lot of these dwarves.'

Bilbo felt his face fall.

'No... No tea?' he asked, his voice small. Gandalf shook his head.

'Then... What do we drink? At tea time?'

'Tea time?!' Gandalf chuckled incredulously. 'My dear hobbit, this is no place for tea time! It's breakfast and supper, and lunch if you're lucky.'

Bilbo froze, standing stock still while .

'You mean we only have three meals a day? And - and not even any tea to drink? Oh, dear oh dear...' Bilbo muttered to himself. Only three meals and no cups of sweet, hot tea? He couldn't manage... Head in his hands, he slumped down on the grassy side of the road.

He'd just stay here, not go any further... what had he been thinking in the first place?

A swish of robes alerted him to Gandalf's presence. He felt the wizard pat his shoulder, and pull him up to his feet.

'Now now, young hobbit. Don't go giving up that easily...' He paused, and with a small smile slipped a little pouch into Bilbo's jacket pocket. With a wink, he was off; and Bilbo breathed in the welcome smell of tea leaves.

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**A/N: Thank you for reading and I really hope you enjoyed! :) **


	3. Names

**A/N: Thank you so so much for all the wonderful reviews, favourites and follows! They've made me so happy! XD  
I got the ideafor this chapter from when I first saw The Hobbit - I could never remember which dwarf belonged to each name, so I was forever referring to them incorrectly. I imagined Bilbo must have had the same problem at first... :D**

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_3: Dwarven Names_

Bilbo trudged alongside Gandalf, who was regaling him with what was (to Gandalf) a hilarious story about one of the dwarves drinking a little too much ale and breaking into a rather raucous song – at this Gandalf stopped to chuckle. Taking advantage of this brief pause in the wizard's commentary, Bilbo interrupted.

'Gandalf, _which_ dwarf was this?' he asked.

Gandalf huffed. 'It was Dwalin.'

'And which one is he again?' Bilbo still found it impossible to keep the names straight in his head; every time he thought he had it – he was wrong.

'The strong one, over there.'

'Oh - the one with grey hair who's walking next to the young one with the journal?'

'No, my dear hobbit, that's Dori. And his companion is his brother Ori.'

Bilbo shook his head. He'd never get this!

'Dwalin is the one with the bald head and lots of leather armour,' Gandalf clarified, smirking at Bilbo's lost expression.

'Oh,' was all the hobbit replied.

'And his brother Balin-'

Bilbo moaned in frustration. 'Why do they all have to rhyme?' he practically sobbed.

Just then one of the dwarves, who sported an elaborate triangular hairstyle Bilbo had admired on many occasions, approached Gandalf.

'Thorin would like to see you, Mr. Gandalf sir,' he said. Gandalf nodded and waved him off, and the dwarf backed away and joined _Dori_.

'And who was that?' Bilbo whispered.

Gandalf's beard twitched as he stopped a chuckle from leaving his lips.

'Nori.'

Bilbo's groan echoed after Gandalf as he hurried through the mass of dwarves to find Thorin.

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**A very silly one but I hope you enjoyed it anyway :D Sorry about the really long waits between chapters but school is horrible and I have so much homework it's unbelievable. :'( So please forgive me! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed ^.^**


	4. Comfort

**A/N: Eek I'm so sorry for the super long wait! School is still terrible and I haven't had any time to really write at all this week, so when I finally had a free period today which was actually free of work, I wrote this for you all! I hope you enjoy! :3**

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_4: Comfort_

Bilbo shivered as he wrapped himself up in his blankets, as close to the fire as he could get. The night was of the sort he would have classed as 'mild', previously - but of course,_ that_ was when he had a nice feather bed and linen sheets and multiple woolen covers to snuggle under and a roof over his head. Now, he was completely vulnerable to the elements and the slight chill breeze made him shiver and twitch as his body fought to be warm.

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Bofur watched as the hobbit drew closer and closer to the fire, wrapped up in his blankets like a cocoon, until if he got any closer he'd be at risk of setting himself on fire. He was shivering rather violently, and a frown was puckering his forehead as he drifted off into a fretful sleep - he kept starting and waking up suddenly, before eventually falling asleep again.

Bofur was used to life out in the open; the stars were his nightlights and the breeze refreshed him as it blew over him softly, tugging at his hat. He was not cold, but the hobbit was, and the sad little frown on their burglar's face made him sad, too.

'Ori,' Bofur said into the younger dwarf's ear on the fourth night of watching Bilbo's discomfort, 'do you still have those spare blankets you knitted?'

(Ori had gone on a knitting spree; since the dwarves did not get cold so easily the blankets his skilled hands had crafted had as yet gone unneeded.)

At Ori's nod, Bofur smiled. 'I think I've found a use for them.'

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Bilbo opened his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that evening, a cold finger of wind trickling down his back, chilling him and raising goosebumps on his neck. Suddenly he felt warm hands around his and something wrapping around him, something blissfully warm.

'There,' he heard Bofur's voice say, 'sleep now, little hobbit.'

He closed his eyes again, relaxing in the soft warmth of the blanket and the absence of wind in his little blanket nest; for the first time in what felt like an Age, Bilbo slept soundly in his bed of grass under the unblinking stars.

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**A/N: Thank you so much for reading and also a HUGE thank you to all of you reviewing, favouriting and following, and for being so patient with the long waits between updates! I really, really appreciate it :') **

**I really hope you enjoyed the chapter and hopefully I won't keep you waiting for a whole week again! :/**


	5. Grooming

**A/N: OK I'm just having a bit of a moment here, because NEW TRAILER FOR DESOLATION OF SMAUG COMES OUT TOMORROW! At 1 - 1:15 here in the UK, supposedly - which is great because I finish school early tomorrow! Tomorrow afternoon can't come quickly enough! (Also - new promotional images! Eep. * flails* ) **

**So as celebration I decided to post this next chapter! I hope you enjoy :)**

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5: _Grooming_

Dwarves are big. They're tough and strong and about as messy as you can get (Bilbo still shudders when he remembers the state of his dining room after the 'tea party').

So Bilbo couldn't understand why, every evening after dinner, each member of the company joined his kin and they sat together, fingers carding through hair that looked surprisingly soft, weaving intricate patterns and securing them with just-as-surprisingly dainty beads.

The first time Bilbo noticed, he was staring into the fire as he had done every night so far, but this time wrapped up in the extra blankets. But then he saw something out of the corner of his eye, and he looked up sharply, fearing attack.

What he didn't expect to see was Kíli, half asleep, leaning tiredly on his brother's shoulder while Fíli gently smoothed his dark hair, brushing it away from his face and replaiting it neatly, gently replacing Kíli's silver hair clasp, so similar to his own.

Touched by the display of brotherly love, Bilbo glanced around the rest of the camp, only to discover that all the dwarves were sitting in little groups - the Ri brothers under a tree, the Urs not too far from where Bilbo himself was sitting. Oin was brushing Gloin's shock of a ginger beard, taming the wild hair and tutting as he pulled out a bit of twig. Even Dwalin seemed content as he softly tweaked Balin's white beard, pulling the ends up into their customary flicks. Only Thorin sat alone, watching his friends as they tended to one another.

The others didn't notice Bilbo as he observed, and soon they finished and all moved off to their respective bed rolls, filling the air with snores. As Bilbo snuggled under his own blankets to sleep, his heart still stirred by the gentle scene, he rubbed his chin ruefully, smooth and hairless as it was. Perhaps a beard wouldn't be so bad after all.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed! Thank you all SO much for reviewing, favouriting and following! It really means a lot to me :3 **


	6. Stories

**A/N: My second update this week! Finally some free time :) OH MY GOSH has everyone seen the new DoS trailer?! Wasn't it AWESOME?! I kind of forgot to breathe for the duration... agh I kind of died it's just so exciting! I can't wait for December... XD**

**I hope you enjoy this next chapter... I should (hopefully) be updating two chapters a week now to finish on time, so hopefully that will happen... :D**

**Also I'm so grateful for all your lovely comments and I will be responding to them very soon, when I have some more time free! I love you all ^.^**

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_**6**__: Stories_

Bilbo walked in the centre of a huddle of dwarves (well, more of a crowd, seeing as they took up the width of the narrow road they were following), happily relaying tales of his childhood to those that would listen - those who would listen, that is, _without_ constantly interrupting with protestations at things such as the lack of weapons and expressing disgust at the frankly '_alarming_' amount of vegetables he ate. Bilbo ignored their comments for the most part and at Ori's behest began to tell them the stories his mother had once told him - tales about huge plants growing up to the sky and evil giants who lived in the clouds, about talking bears and his friends...

There was a sudden crash just behind him when Bilbo said this and he turned, expecting an attack of some sort - not Bombur lying sprawled on the ground slightly deeper into the forest that enclosed them, ginger beard in disarray and shock on his face. Bilbo could hear Bofur cackling and slapping his leg behind him.

'What happened?'

'Bombur, are you alright? '

The others began trying to lift him up off the floor, gripping his upper arms. But then the problem became apparent: Bombur had stepped down a rabbit hole and his leg was stuck.

Immediately the others began trying to loosen the earth's muddy grip on Bombur so that they could free his leg, and Bilbo tried to help but the large dwarf was surrounded by his kin and there wasn't much Bilbo could do, so he stepped back and let the others get on with it.

Bofur, Bifur, Dori and the other dwarves hauling Bombur out of the hole all started suddenly when a light giggle sounded above their tired grunts as they heaved Bombur from the ground. They looked up and saw Bilbo grinning, hand to his mouth to stop laughing and a far way look in his eyes.

When he noticed the others staring, he blushed furiously and stuttered a little as he tried to explain. 'Ah you see - it reminds me of another story...'

They continued to look at him, eyebrows raised as if to say "go on".

'There's - there's a girl, and one day she falls down a rabbit hole just like this one, and she ends up in a different... Well, a different _world_, full of strange things and people and animals that talk - which I know is silly but... it's a wonderful tale, ' he finished with a sigh, eyes soft again.

'Well,' an amused voice sounded from behind. Bilbo whirled around to see Thorin, a faint smile playing around his lips (although it could just have been a mere trick of the light - the leaves _did_ cast strange dappled shadows, after all.) 'Perhaps you can tell us this tale tonight. '

And so it was that a spluttering and embarrassed Bilbo became the resident story-teller of Thorin and Company, whiling away the evenings with the story of a rather foolish girl who followed a white rabbit down a hole in the ground.

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**A/N: Alice in Wonderland, anybody?! I love that book. *sigh* :) I really hope you enjoyed this chapter, silly and fluffy as it is! I really do appreciate all your reviews, favs and follows! You're all lovely people and make me happy, when school is trying to crush my soul! (Well, not really, but you know what I mean.) So thank you all SO MUCH :)**


	7. Customs

**A/N: So here's the next chapter! I really hope you enjoy it, and thank you for all being so wonderfully patient with me!**_** :)**_

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_**7:**_ _Customs_

_Roads go ever on and on... _This road certainly did, Bilbo thought with a sigh. It felt to him as if it would never end...

_Over rock and under tree... _Yes, and the rocky ground was hurting his feet and all there was to see was trees. Trees, trees and more trees. And some raucous dwarves having a burping contest. Well, _really!_

_By caves where never sun has shone... _They'd spent the night in a cave. Cold and damp and miserable it had been, and Bilbo certainly hoped that this _Erebor _place was as spectacular as the dwarves promised it was.

_By streams that never reach the sea... _He'd quite like to see the sea. Wouldn't that make Lobelia's eyes fairly bulge out of their sockets in disapproval! The thought made him cackle slightly, although he coughed to cover it up.

The dwarves were giving him queer looks.

'What is it?' he asked.

'Is it customary among hobbits to hum as they walk?' asked Dori.

'Of course! Why, going walking is the perfect opportunity for a little song! To really see the sun and feel the breeze, one must - _flowers! _'

He stopped abruptly and hurried off the road, leaving a group of confused dwarves behind, over to where a great swathe of bright golden flowers were growing, sunny petals winking in the dappled shadows.

'Marigolds!' Bilbo breathed, and he inhaled great lungfuls of air, filling his nostrils with their sweet fragrance. The dwarves behind him were looking a little concerned for their burglar, although Fili and Kili found it incredibly funny and had a hard time stifling their giggles at Bilbo's soppy behaviour under Thorin's disapproving glances in their direction.

Bilbo looked up to see the dwarves looking at him, a little unimpressed.

'What?' he asked again.

'Flowers are a little... _Unmanly, _aren't they?' Dwalin asked, rubbing his beard thoughtfully.

Bilbo visibly bristled. 'I'll have you know that hobbits take flowers _very _

seriously,' he said sharply, and so saying he began quickly picking some. Satisfied with his load, he rejoined the dwarves on the path. But when Thorin moved to start walking, Bilbo called for him to wait.

Suppressing a huff, Thorin turned, only to see Bilbo holding out one of the bright flowers out to him.

'In the Shire, flowers are a sign of... Of friendship and acceptance,' he said, face pink and feet shuffling.

Silently Thorin accepted the flower, and tucked it in his tunic buttonhole. He inclined his head to Bilbo, who was flushing still, and then turned back and began walking.

Relieved Thorin had accepted the flower, Bilbo handed one to each of the dwarves, and they all seemed chuffed with them. Bofur tucked his onto his hat and the others all found a way to adorn their beard or hair with them somehow (except for Bifur, who tried to eat his; Bombur explained he was just _very _fond of salad. )

Bilbo felt a little smug - the dwarves weren't looking so very 'manly' with flowers in their beards now, were they?

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**A/N: I really hope you liked this! I just find the idea of dwarves all wanting to please their little hobbit by putting flowers in their beards highly amusing and incredibly cute XD My brain right now... It's full of hobbits and dwarves and it should be full of French and German and Geography... um. This year is going to go well :P**

**Anyway I really really do hope you enjoyed this, and thank you for all the reviews! They make me so happy, even if I don't reply to them I LOVE YOU ALL :)**

***Note: the song is Bilbo's walking song that he sings on his way home from his adventure. **


	8. Night Terrors

**A/N: Next chapter for you! Thank you so much for all your reviews! They honestly make me so happy :3 I've just watched "Fili can't WAIT to be King" on YouTube... I died. It's honestly the best thing... XD **

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_**8 : **__Night Terrors_

The dwarves staggered wearily into a cave, hidden by the trees and thankfully empty of any enemies. They all sank down to rest while Bombur set about lighting a fire for dinner. Once they'd all got t

heir breath back the dwarves began to disperse, each seeking a quiet little niche they could settle down for the night in.

Ori followed his brothers, clutching his bedroll tiredly and stifling a yawn. He saw Bilbo heading further into the cave a little, obviously hoping there'd be a spot where the rock wasn't quite so hard. He'd be disappointed, Ori thought, unless he wanted to sleep on a bed of fungus.

Ori, Nori and Dori lay out their bedrolls close together, the better to preserve body heat. They could see Bilbo not too far off, fetching his roll out of his pack and settling it down. When he was settled Ori retrieved his journal and began to write, whiling the time away. He was just detailing the type of rock that seemed to be abundant in the area when he heard a little yelp from nearby.

Jumping and nearly splattering ink everywhere he looked up, to see Bilbo standing away from his bedroll, staring at it as if it was going to bite him. Nori headed over to see what the problem was and Ori followed, curious. He heard Bilbo's muttered protests, embarassment clear in his red cheeks, before Nori finally managed to coax it out of him.

'There were spiders, down where my roll is,' he said quietly, staring at his feet and scuffing at the dirt. 'I don't like spiders, never have. My father used to have to remove them for me...' Bilbo stopped and flushed even further, rivalling his maroon jacket.. Ori sidled closer and placed a hand on Bilbo's arm, even as he gave Nori a shove forward. Thankfully Nori got the hint and went to remove the spider from the vicinity, taking it outside and earning more than a few strange looks from the rest of the Company.

'Don't worry, Bilbo. I don't like spiders either,' Ori reassured him. 'I used to run into Dori's room whenever I found one in mine, and he'd always have to take it away before I'd go back to sleep again!' Bilbo smiled at him, gratefully and genuinely, and Ori patted his arm. 'Why don't you join us for tonight? There's no bugs anywhere near our beds!'

'Thank you, Ori,' Bilbo said. 'I should like that very much indeed.'

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**A/N: The thought of Bilbo and Ori bonding is just too cute :3 I hope you enjoyed XD**

**Something really cool happened yesterday - I was visiting Leeds University (turns out Tolkien was a professor of English there! ) and in the library I found letters from Tolkien himself to Arthur Ransome, talking about Thorin and Bilbo. Oh my gosh I just died! His writing is beautiful and it was kind of surreal... **


	9. Nicknames

**A/N: Thank you all so much for the reviews and favs/follows! They make me so incredibly happy ^.^ I really hope you enjoy this chapter (Fili and Kili being adorable :P )**

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_**9: **Nicknames_

'Fee, pass my pack?'

'Kee…' followed by a good-natured huff of irritation.

…

'Bommie, here's your stew!'

'Thanks, Bof,' said with a small grin.

…

'Ori-paw, do you need me to re-braid your plaits?'

'Dors, leave the kid alone,' as Nori ruffled his younger brother's hair to muss up the plaits even further.

…

Bilbo found it rather amusing, learning the little nick-names the dwarves would use affectionately with one another. Some were unsurprising, but he nearly fell off his pony when Balin called to his brother, shouting '_Dwal_' casually. Even the fearsome Dwalin had a pet name…

When Kíli sidled up to him one day, pulling up his pony alongside Bilbo's, Bilbo thought nothing of it. The princes would often join him, and he assumed today was no exception.

'Hey, Bil,' Kíli smiled.

Bilbo started, looking at Kíli aghast. 'My name is Bil_bo_,' he corrected, with a sniff.

'But can I call you Bil?'

'No.'

'What about Bo?'

'Most certainly _not_!'

'Bilbie?' Fíli pressed, suddenly appearing as he reigned his pony up on Bilbo's other side, effectively sandwiching him between the two dwarves.

'That is _ghastly_,' Bilbo sighed.

'Bobo-kins?'

Bilbo just glared straight ahead of him, ignoring the two insistent princes looking at him hopefully.

'Bobo-kins suits you,' Kíli agreed with his brother, nodding thoughtfully. 'You're small and little.'

Bilbo felt his face darken into a glower that could match Thorin's.

'My name is _Bilbo_. Not Bo, not Bilbie and definitely _not_ Bobo-kins,' he said slowly, scowling at the landscape ahead of him.

'Not even Bilbs?' Kíli asked sadly, and he could feel their twin gazes trained on him. He gave a dejected sigh.

'_Fine_,' he replied in a huff, and nearly fell off his pony for the second time when the two dwarves threw their arms around him simultaneously.

'You're the best burglar ever, Bilbs!' laughed Fíli, and the two urged their ponies on, leaving Bilbo staring after them, two sides of his heart warring over whether to be annoyed or feeling the warm glow of acceptance.

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**A/N: I'm sorry, I just _really _need some fluff in my life right now, so I hope I didn't rot your teeth with this chapter or anything! I hope you enjoyed :D I'm becoming increasingly excited about The Desolation of Smaug... and I think I'm going to explode soon XD **


	10. Myrtle

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the wait! You'll get THREE chapters this week, seeing as I only updated once last week. I'm writing the next two chapters in advance! :D**

**Thank you all so much for your lovely, lovely reviews. They never fail to make me smile. :) I hope you enjoy this chapter! **

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_**10: **__Myrtle_

He hadn't been happy at all when he'd been presented with the pony. She moved too much and he had trouble staying on, clinging desperately to her mane even as she tossed her head violently.

Myrtle, he was told she was called. _Beast from hell_, Bilbo sometimes preferred after a long day of jostling and holding on for dear life when he was saddle sore and weary and his nose was itching from the hair.

Bilbo hadn't liked the way she was always trying to eat him, snuffling at his neck and shoulders snorting hungrily. That is, he hadn't liked it until he'd realised all she wanted was to be petted a bit. Or the apple he was munching on; either would do.

He got used to her playful whickers as he clambered into the saddle every morning and liked to indulge her when she tossed her head, stroking her neck and playing with her mane. He liked to sneak her an apple or a carrot from dinner, persuading Bombur to give him the most bruised ones from the supplies and laughing at the gentle whinny as she feasted. She would listen to his complaints about how sore and tired he was, how much he missed his hole and the green fields of the Shire. But she also understood those times when they crested a new peak, and the sight of the land spread out before them filled Bilbo with wonder.

When she went missing - carried off in the arms of a great lumbering troll, no less - Bilbo couldn't just sit there and let them eat his beautiful horse. 'We've got to do something,' he whispered fiercely to the dwarf Princes. When two pairs of eyes turned in his direction, he suppressed a sigh.

He hoped Myrtle would appreciate it afterwards.

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**A/N: It's always made me laugh how in the film Bilbo's perfectly happy to let the trolls eat the horses - until THEY'VE GOT MYRTLE! :D **

**I really hope you enjoyed this! ^.^**


	11. A Fine Smoke

**A/N: So here's the next chapter! They're getting increasingly more pointless the further we go... but hey. Fluff is good. :D This time we've got a moment with Bilbo and Bofur. I hope you enjoy! :**)

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**_11 :_ **_A Fine Smoke_

Dinner was over and the pots and bowls cleaned up and packed away. The dwarves and Bilbo sat in a circle around the fire, the dwarves humming softly and Bilbo listening to the haunting sound.

Next to Bilbo, Bofur reached into one of his many pockets and pulled out his pipe and a pouch of pipeweed and began filling the pipe with it. The smell of it was acrid, stronger than Bilbo was used to. He was suddenly itching for a smoke, but politely waited until the others had finished before fetching his own pipe.

The smoke from Bofur's was thick and grey, and made Bilbo cough as he resumed his spot next to the hatted dwarf. As a bit of smoke wafted into his face, Bilbo wrinkled his nose in distaste at the incredibly strong smell.

'Which type of pipeweed is that?' he asked, pausing in packing his own pipe to ask the question. 'It's not like any Shire pipeweed I've ever come across.'

'Course not. 'S from Bree,' Bofur answered, clamping the pipe between his teeth fiddling with the bowl.

'It's not a very good sort,' Bilbo said, lighting up his own pipe and taking in a puff of the fine smoke.

Bofur breathed in the cloud of fluffy white smoke, closing his eyes.

'That is good,' he said appreciatively. 'Better than any dwarven sort.'

Bilbo visibly preened a little in the glow of the fire.

'It's Old Toby, from the South Farthing,' he said. 'But I'm running out.' He glanced down sadly at his pouch, which was already half the size of when he'd left and steadily decreasing still.

Bofur grinned. 'Best enjoy it while you can then,' he chuckled, exhaling more of the thick grey smoke. Bilbo managed to hold his breath to avoid coughing, but he suddenly picked up his tobacco pouch.

'Here. Have some.' He thrust the pouch at Bofur, who raised his eyebrows at the gesture.

'Your stuff is really foul,' Bilbo laughed, waving away the cloud of it settling above his head.

Nodding in thanks, Bofur tipped away the tobacco in his pipe and refilled it instead with some of the finest Old Toby; enjoying the pleasant company of their burglar in the ever-darkening night.

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**A/N: I hope you liked it, and that the fluffiness is manageable... ^.^**

**Last night, I had a sleep over with two of my friends again and we watched The Hobbit - one of them hadn't seen it before but now I've converted her too! Even if one of the highlights of the whole film was Fili's moustache braids... :D**

**Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews and adds, as well! They really make me smile. Every day. :')**


	12. Footsore

**A/N: I'm so sorry... I'm a terrible person. I've had a whole week off and I haven't written a **_**word. **_**Please forgive me...? I'll admit I got kind of distracted - I discovered Being Human, with Aidan Turner, and I kind of forgot all about this. (Ugh he's so pretty, I love him! :3 ) :/ I'm really so sorry! I'll update more this week but I'm not going to promise anything because -school-. -_-**

**Anyway I hope you enjoy and please forgive me! I appreciate every single one of your super lovely reviews, by the way! :3**

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**12 : **_Footsore_

Óin noticed the hobbit falling back as the day steadily progressed; he saw the slight wince that crossed his face as they traversed particularly rocky paths. And when they stopped in the evenings, he saw the little fine red cuts on Bilbo's curly-haired feet before he hastily wrapped them in a blanket and huddled close to the fire.

On the third day of Bilbo being snapped at by a surly Thorin or irritable wizard and being told to _hurry up, Mahal's sake,_ Óin took pity on him once they stopped for the night and sat down heavily next to him. Bilbo had just been retrieving his blanket when Óin appeared beside him, and he let out a little squeak of surprise.

Ignoring Bilbo's protests, Óin quickly examined Bilbo's feet, studying the small cuts and bruises criss-crossing his skin underneath the layer of furry hair. All sustained from the little sharp rocks and twigs that littered the path they took now, which was becoming mountainous and steep.

With a tut and a sigh, Óin released Bilbo's foot and delved into his pack, scrabbling around until he found what he was looking for. He held out a small pottery jar, a strong herby smell filling the air around them.

'Rub a bit of this into them there cuts every morn' and evenin',' he said gruffly as Bilbo took the little pot, sniffing it gingerly. 'Should help 'em heal.'

Bilbo nodded and opened the jar, scooping some of the salve onto his finger and began to smoothe it onto his feet, wincing slightly at the sting.

'Thank you,' he said gravely, once he'd completed one foot.

''S alright,' Óin smiled, and patted Bilbo on the head as he hauled himself up and left to join his brother by the fire.

The next day Bilbo was back to his sprightly self, no grimaces of pain crossing his once more cheerful face.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed! Until later this week... Hopefully! **


	13. Food

**A/N: Time for some Bombur and hobbit love! I hope you enjoy it xD I'm sorry I haven't been responding to all your reviews (which all make me really very happy!) but I'll hopefully have time to do so tomorrow. In the meantime, THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH :3**

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**13: **_Food_

'Back at home, my food is considered the _best_.'

Bilbo looked at the large dwarf seated happily beside him as they ate the hot and filling stew Bombur had cooked. The stew was exceptional, considering the limited resources.

'My roast mutton has won prizes every year,' Bombur continued, his chest puffing with pride. Bilbo smiled.

'That's impressive. Do you know, I've won the Hobbiton annual baking competition every year except once,' Bilbo replied, giving the dwarf a little grin. Bombur looked excited and he leaned in a little closer to Bilbo, almost conspiratorially.

'What is it you bake?' he asked.

'Among other things... a recipe of my mother's - a very well kept family secret.' Bilbo glanced around before continuing. 'Her version of a good, traditional sponge cake. The people at home love it.'

Bombur grew visibly excited at this news, his eyes widening.

'I love sponge cake,' he sighed. 'My wife was always asking me to make her a nice big pound cake while she was carrying our eldest.'

Bilbo grinned a little. 'Do you use the _full _egg, or just the whites?'

'The full egg,of course,' Bombur replied, but frowned when Bilbo chuckled.

'That's the problem right there,' Bilbo laughed, clapping Bombur on the back. 'The Tooks discovered long ago that the only way to make a truly great sponge cake is to use the egg whites only - the cake's lighter that way.'

Bombur grinned too, his eyes crinkling with mirth.

'But Bilbo, now you've given away your secret,' he joked.

'You don't think that's the only secret my great-great-great-grandmother (on my mother's side) had, do you?' the hobbit laughed. 'Tell you what - if you continue to make such excellent stew, Bombur, maybe I'll let you in on some other secret recipes. My mother always made an excellent meringue pie...'

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this! I honestly wonder who'd win an eating competition: Bombur or Bilbo? This question seriously gives me headaches :P what do you think?!**


	14. Happy Hobbit

_**A/N: Thank you so nmuch for all the reviews! They're really awesome and I swear I grin like a lunatic every time I read them, so thank you! :3**_

**_So, they've finally reached Rivendell... This chapter's not canon, just a little alternate possibility type thing because I thought it would be funny. I really hope you enjoy! :D (by the way, for this chapter let's just pretend the dwarves were all put in one large dormitory type room they all fit in!)_**

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**14: **_Happy Hobbit_

It was quite amusing, really. At times it was downright funny. The little hobbit's reaction to Rivendell was the most curious thing Balin had ever witnessed.

First, he began praising the stone paths they walked along, thanking his hobbit-goddess for the lack of mud and ruts in the road.

When they got inside, he cooed over the fact there was a roof. Balin could hear his muttered exclamations and "good riddance"s to the rain.

When they smelt the food from the kitchens, he nearly passed out; he held onto Bombur with a death-grip and the two of them shared euphoric grins.

But when Bilbo was shown his bed, the whole company stopped at the low moan escaping Bilbo's lips. He climbed slowly up on to the thick mattress covered with silken sheets and coverlets, lying there for a moment before turning to Bofur and holding the blankets out to him.

'Is this real, Bofur? I'm really in a bed with soft sheets under a roof? Tell me I'm dreaming...'

As the hobbit proceeded to wrap himself up in the blankets, Balin felt Thorin appear next to him.

'Is the burglar quite alright?' he asked, his voice low with genuine concern, and many of the other company members seemed to be asking the same thing as Bilbo began wriggling in his blanket cocoon.

Balin smiled. 'He's fine. Just one very happy hobbit.'

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_**A/N: I hope you liked this chapter! Poor Bilbo, Rivendell must have felt like heaven for the poor thing after so long sleeping outside on the ground! I really do hope you enjoyed, and thank you all so much for reading! :3**_


	15. Stealing the Burglar

**A/N: Again, thank you all so much for your kind reviews and favs/follows! They really do keep me writing and make me smile every day! Now for some fluff in Rivendell!**

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**15:** _Stealing the Burglar_

The elves had sung to them as they entered the Hidden Valley, hidden forms serenading them as they stumbled their way to the Last Homely House. Bilbo had sunk into the soft sheets of his bed and fallen asleep with their songs still echoing in his mind.

The ethereal music stayed in his head over the next few days, playing in his mind as he got dressed in the mornings or while he ate, or while he strolled around Rivendell admiring its beauty.

On more than one occasion, though, he found himself on the receiving end of a few dark and mistrustful looks from his companions. Confused and a bit hurt at Óin's narrowed gaze or Dori's "tsk"s of disapproval, he didn't know what he'd done to warrant such behaviour.

Until he found out one evening at dinner, as he swayed in time with the peaceful music the elves were playing as they ate.

'Looks far too comfortable here for my liking,' Glóin was muttering.

'And he's been singing those darned elvish things the whole time, too,' Nori grouched.

'How do we know he won't decide to stay here? Ignore the contract? What if he _abandons_ us?' Dori sounded a little alarmed.

'The elves have stolen our burglar!' Ori whispered fearfully.

Bilbo couldn't stop the bubble of laughter that escaped, before he managed to turn it into a cough.

Grinning at his plate, he thought he understood.

'Don't worry, master dwarf. When you leave, I will be there too,' he said lightly, relishing his carrot and basking in the little huffs of relief that sounded from around the table.

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed the insanely fluffy piece! Ah the poor dear silly dwarves. I love them so much :D Thank you so much everyone for reading! **


	16. Green Food

**A/N: Thank you all so much for your comments and favs/follows! It makes me so happy! So here's the next chapter - I hope you enjoy! :3**

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**16: **_Green Food_

_Try it, just a mouthful!'_

_'I don't like green food.'_

Dori gave a huff of irritation, which morphed into a sigh of defeat. Ori was as stubborn as they came when he wanted to be, and Dori had been waging this war with Ori on eating his greens ever since his brother had grown out of baby mush. Even as a dwarfling Ori had been stubborn enough to make Dori want to hit his head against the table.

In exasperation Dori glanced around at their companions (he sniffed as Dwalin complained about the lack of meat - couldn't he see he was setting a bad example for the younger ones?) and let out a strangled cry as he saw Nori slip a salt cellar in his jacket, and kicked his younger brother on the shin, eliciting a squeak of surprise. Nori dropped the salt cellar, disgruntlement clear in his face.

Dori saw Bilbo eating - eating vegetables! Dori almost shouted in relief; he knew Ori respected the hobbit...

He turned to his baby brother, who was still pouting at the bowl of leaves in front of him, and wondering aloud if there were any chips to be found.

'Ori, even _Bilbo_ eats his greens,' Dori said seriously, giving his brother a stern look. Ori glanced in Bilbo's direction, saw the enthusiasm with which Bilbo was devouring the salad, and with a huff of defeat put a piece of lettuce to his mouth.

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**A/N: Obviously the first two lines are straight from The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. Not mine! And anyone who has seen the extended edition of AUJ will know which bit I kind of stole from that too! :) And it's so exciting because... **

**MY EXTENDED EDITION OF AUJ ARRIVED! So, you know, my weekend is already decided... :D I really hope you enjoyed this chapter :3**


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